Why did I ever think this year was a 4/5? Did I get amnesia or something?

2025 was a solid 2/5.

The lows were the low enough for me to bawl about them, and the highs were high enough for me to put it a picture to in my journal.

So, come with me while I take a trip down memory lane by reflecting on (almost) every month of the year through scrapbook spreads.

January

2025 has been a long year because I completely forgot that it snowed!

Nobody believed that it would snow, but I had SO much hope that it would, and it did!! Lesson: everyone needs to become more whimsical, stat!

There was a more pressing matter.

I was ready to leave community college even though I was 3 credits short of graduating (still am), so I started the dreaded college application process.

I was seriously considering Mizzou.

I do believe in signs, so when I saw on UH’s NABJ account that Mizzou’s NABJ was on a Houston Media tour, and they would be visiting UH, I thought that I was destined to attend.

Wait, what was an Eagle doing lurking on a UH page? Good question!

At last year’s NABJ Sneaker Ball (I was a recipient of the scholarship December ’24), I met the then-president of UH’s NABJ chapter, and she told me I didn’t have to be a Cougar to attend meetings! I was over the moon.

UH ended up winning me over, even though Mizzou undoubtedly has the better journalism program, but those Missouri kids are so driven and well put together.

One of them has been doing internships since high school, like how is that even possible?

And, it was so…nice. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was meant to be there and NABJ was definitely THE organization to join.

I also met Claire there! She’s a really talented artist and I’m glad I didn’t let my lack of enrollment stop me from being there.

Anyway, It was a combination of the scholarship and meeting the highly motivated and polished Mizzou students that pushed me to take my journalism career more seriously that Spring.

The same day, I went to my friend’s birthday party.

It was super fun, even though, I was the only one without a choir background there (boo!).

It didn’t consume the whole time but the specter of my humilationship was looming over.

There was a girl there that seemed like the type of girl he would follow on Instagram and I did exclaim that out loud (yikes).

You know how crazy it is to not be able to see a pretty girl without thinking that your failed talking stage is probably in her likes? Well, that was my reality. Even crazier is that it STILL happens…sometimes.

Another considerable thing is that I started volunteering for the first time to not only do something about this lingering loving feeling I had but to also add fulfillment to my life.

February

I’d say my annual (sometimes it skips a year or two) Valentine’s Day-Slay was in fact a slay. You can’t really tell in these pictures because I was convinced I looked better when I wasn’t smiling.

In one of them I feel like I look like this kid.

I will say: it’s hard to out-cunt 17 ½ year old me. I don’t know if I have that level of cundacity in me. Well, I do, but I have yet to gag as hard as I did that year.

I looked good thoughhh. This was me 12AM February 15th after my shift at Pizza Nation.

And, I spread the love™️to my Day One, Jodie, my Egal staff members, and strangers for a man-on-the-street video through chocolates and gift baskets.

I hope I can do the same next year but it’s not looking good due to my unemployment.

I think this month is when my time at the food bank stopped (involuntarily, because they stopped doing food distributions).

I also broke a big story with Joshua about HCC’S travel restriction so that was awesome.

March

Spring break was pretty cool.

The madness came later.

I say I get depressed easily, when really, I’m just prone to apathy and that happens when I get sucked into executive dysfunction hell.

In that state, I give up on schooling. I just stop trying.

Usually I’m able to somehow pull it together near the end of the semester but the damage has been done.

So maybe it was that and some other reason, but in March, I felt down, and so I did what I always do when I feel down: turn to my daydreams and limerence.

Now, my actions resulted in my humilationship blocking me on EVEYRTHING.

I am not proud of what i did and to be honest, I think I was manic.

There was a point where I you couldn’t see the light behind my eyes…and I was so content with bed rotting that I almost missed an NABJ event. My mom had to force me out door.

There does come a point for accountability, no matter what afflictions you had. My inconsiderate actions didn’t end in that month. And I take full responsibility for my misdeeds.

This sounds contradictory, but I also focused all my other efforts on Newspaper. I filmed and edited podcast episodes, man-on-the-street videos, and posted articles.

It was so serious for me that I commissioned Claire to make cover art for the podcast.

One day, I thought I saw an Eagle in the sky, and took that as a sign that I was doing something right.

April

Was in my red hair era and made my first news package (audio was terrible)!

Despite what red hair is supposed to symbolize for self actualization, I was still engaging in loserish behavior like watching his Instagram story.

Oh yes, I replaced my bed rotting with desk rotting by getting deeply entrenched in my Sims 4 world.

The brain rot got so bad, I used canvas to make a fake Instagram for some of my sims and then printed them out.

Embarrassing? Yea, but I admire the imagination and dedication that goes into being invested in a save file.

I also funded the end of the year party.

May

Can’t remember anything memorable except the gifts I got for my birthday.

Oh right, I saw Sinners. Can’t believe that came out this year as well.

2025 has tried!

June

Got accepted to UH!! And had orientation!

July

Nearing 2 years of our entanglement, it was time to begin the steps of moving on, right?

That’s what I was thinking and it’s like the universe read my mind.

Okay so boom:

This boy comes into my workplace and we start chatting it up and he asks for my number.

We start talking and as confusing as this sounds, he was my first proper talking stage.

I’ve never experienced a guy I wasn’t dating (I’ve only had one boyfriend) send me good morning texts and things like that so I was intrigued and flattered by the attention.

Problem: he would send me a good morning text and we’d converse a teeny bit and then he’d disappear until the next day.

That sounds like a red flag, but I set a boundary with him when we met that he should only contact me during the day and because of his training schedule, I guess he was only free in the evening.

Anyway, so he comes into the store one day and he’s like I’m not ignoring you, I’ve been really busy. Aww, right?

Well, a few minutes after he leaves a girl, the girlfriend I DIDN’T KNOW HE HAD, walks into store and starts questioning me.

I thought I saw her parked outside after she left the store and started bawling.

I survived without any bruises and altercations.

Mind you, this took place over a week…

That was a sign I wasn’t supposed to move on so I started reaching out to old boy AGAIN.

my patheticness reached uncharted heights and honestly, through my delusion, I started feeling bad for him.

After I came to my senses, I swore that I’d leave him alone.

That was…until my new coworker stole his number from my phone and called him even though I cried for her not too.

I really wanted to stop but upon hearing him allude to entertaining 3 different girls on the phone, I got mad and gave him a piece of my mind.

But when that was done, I knew that there was no coming back, no matter what took place in my dreams.

And I haven’t talked to him since. I also haven’t been stalking his story.

August

I got fired from my job and then started UH a week later.

It felt like I outstayed my welcome and everything from my perma stained work shirt and my messed up non-slip shoes were telling me that my time was up.

I also had problems with some of the people working there (from racial slurs to unfair assumptions) too, but that’s a story for another time.

Just know that they only got worse and every day I’m glad I got outta there.

The rest of the year

Had soo much fun on campus.

Too much fun because I finished my worst academic of my entire life.

I don’t know how I managed to perform worse than I did in high school but I did.

It’s not like I partied (I still have never been to a party) and executive dysfunction definitely got the better of me.

I will have the best academic comeback the world has ever seen next year. Haters may say otherwise but Shekinah Nation will reign supreme!!

Other bad things that happened this year:

• I had 0 news bylines. I had two main visions for UH: joining their NABJ chapter and writing for the newspaper. Well, I only achieved one. Frustrating time…
• My friend- turned ex-turned friend again ghosted me out of the blue. Why did he do that? I would’ve NEVER done that to him.
• I didn’t get the position I built my schedule around and was let down about it TWICE, leading to mucho tears.
• Bad luck in love. And you might think: Shekinah, how did you expect to have a good time in relationships when you’re clearly hung over that guy? That has nothing to do with anything; One guy was A CHEATER, another was in a situationship with the girlfriend HE BROKE UP WITH, and the other one told he was attracted to me but wasn’t ready for a relationship (respect for not leading girls on, many can’t relate).

Some good things.

I’m grateful I met Jackie this year at HCC and we’ve followed each other to UH. I think I’ve spent the most time with her than anyone else.

I also discovered that the Houston music scene is where I want to be 2026.

My hopes for the new year

I know that 2026 is going to be a 5/5 no matter what happens. Why? I’ll make it so.

IN AND OUT

IN:

-Blogging

-Revisiting childhood interests

-Love

-Neocities (or anywhere you can make your own personal websites)

-READINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

-Scrapbooking

OUT:

-Unemployment

-Staying at low vibrational places

-Limerence and maladaptive daydreaming

-Being one of those crazy girls

-CHEATERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS